Red Queen has connections to many of her children. I often connect to them and see through their eyes. Some have blocked this connection and I cannot reach them. It’s strange. It’s like she is a forever watchful parent.
Lucifer sometimes says that she’s like Atlas. She holds the world and its memories on her shoulders. Not literally, mind you. She retains the memories and emotions of the world. I’m not sure if that is from this world or another. Sometimes it is overwhelming and makes me feel ill. Mentally and physically. My mind just becomes static and I get bad migraines. That’s why knowledge must come slowly and spirits try very hard to stave off my curiosity. If they didn’t help, I would dig deeper and deeper to the point of insanity, complete isolation, or death. I’m not very good at controlling my curiosity.
Sometimes I wonder if that’s why my brain’s default state is agnosticism. It is both a boon and a burden. It heightens my curiosity, but it also makes me fight off ideas that seem too good to be true. I am forced to block out the idea because it drives me mad. That’s when spirits take over and let knowledge drip down slowly, as if it is connected through and IV.
I don’t know. I say that a lot, but I don’t know. There’s so much. It’s impossible to understand it all. I’m never sure if I will ever be able to fight off my cognitive biases as a human. Is it possible to short-circuit a brain?
Knowledge and wisdom come as a cost. I’m never sure if I should give less or more. Is my sanity worth knowing? I’ve seen people give both eyes for wisdom and yet they become blind. They blind themselves. Through the act of blinding, they also lose the wisdom they hoped to obtain. They lose their senses. They lose their footing. Ungrounded.
But I suppose through losing wisdom and sight, they gain something else. A gain can be a loss, but a loss can also be a gain. What do they gain? Is it equal to wisdom? Is emptiness not as valuable as wholeness? They did not receive what they wanted, but maybe they received something of equal value. Perspective…