Through shadow work, I’ve come to an impass. I don’t know how to forgive people who do bad things. I don’t know how to say “Alright, you did bad things, but it’s over now, so I forgive you.” I don’t know how to let go.
I’m not a Christian or Catholic anymore, but I do strive to be like Christ. The actual Christ. Yeshua ben Josef. The man. Not the Son of God. Not the divine. I don’t strive to be divine. I am already divine. I strive to use his humanity as an example of a humble way to live.
I keep thinking about him saying “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” He asks God to forgive them. To forgive man. At that moment, did Jesus forgive them too? Or is that kind of forgiveness only possible through “Godhood”? Is that kind of forgiveness only possible through agape? Unconditional love? Love that contains all things?
Agape is not possible for humans to obtain. That’s not cynicism. That’s based on the definition. Agape is the love that comes from God. God is agape. God is love. Agape is a state of existence. A state of complete Godhood.
As I’ve stated before, I believe that God is everything. God isn’t a He or a She or a They. God is a state. God is the Source of All. It’s impossible for a single human to be all. To be love in its most uncorrupted form.
So did Yeshua forgive his persecutors or did God? How can I forgive people who have done horrible things to me if I’m not even sure it was possible for Yeshua?
This also begs the questions: Do I have to forgive? and If “letting go” isn’t found in forgiveness, then what is “letting go”?
I’m not sure if I have the answer. Some people will tell me that you don’t need to forgive people who have done horrible things to you. They will say that you don’t need to let go. But that’s not what I want. I want to let go. I want to stop being angry at people for being flawed. I want to be free.
It sounds dramatic, but I don’t think I can move on until I forgive the world for being flawed. I want to drop the world’s flaws from my shoulders.