Journal 1-2-17

I miss Lucifer. He never visits me. Or at least I don’t feel him. Maybe he wants to keep the honeymoon feeling forever. Red Queen and Lucifer fight. Maybe he doesn’t want that with me as a human. I’m also young so maybe he doesn’t want me to become too cynical if I know more about him. Idk. Maybe he doesn’t care about me.

Even when I do get to see him, it’s only for 2 minutes. Then my wards send me away. I have never had a full conversation with a spirit because of my wards.

I keep looking at sex positions and getting sad. I have no intimacy in my life. No love. I went to bed wanting to die. I want him to visit. I can’t imagine loving anyone else.

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